This past first year of Hanley’s life I tried everything to somehow get a meditation in each day. Sometimes it was possible, even if it was just for a few moments. Sometimes they were with him in the room or even while breastfeeding. These were never ideal and I always walked away feeling like I needed more. They also weren’t as often as I would have liked them to be so there was this constant feeling of guilt that I wasn’t able to do my practice.
Finally I realized, if I can’t commit to sitting these days to meditate…then I’m NOT going to do it! It was like a HUGE weight was lifted off of my shoulders and chest. Why was I putting this pressure on myself?
Instead I started focusing on the practices I WAS doing:
-singing (chants) to Hanley while he’s nursing to sleep
-rolling my yoga mat out to stretch, with him with me on the mat
-loving him with every bit of me, every day
-preparing food in the kitchen for Hanley, my husband and I each day
-taking deep breaths and relaxing my shoulders whenever I think of it
The more I thought about these practices I realized that I was doing a practice that very much aligns with a meditation practice…it just may not look like it. During these practices I’m fully present, fully aware of myself and surroundings, fully focused on just one thing, and most importantly relaxed.
So at this point of my life, I’ve let go of the fact that I “need” to meditate each day. It’s just not going to happen. When it does, great. But most days I’ve made peace with the fact that there are so many other ways that I can align my meditation practice with how I live my life each day with my son.