I’m a very tidy person. I love having a place for everything – it makes me feel really good. (Cue Radiohead’s “everything in it’s right place” – it’s totally my theme song).
But we’re currently under total construction in our house. In fact, we’re well over 2 months into our construction and it’s not even 3/4 of the way done. This picture to the right is a shot of my living room…piled with stacks of boxes, bags, stuff, and most of all covered in DUST. The heat keeps getting more intense, but we can’t put our air conditioner on because of all of the dust. The house is damp and muggy. My bedroom is off limits, my closet is sprawled all over my dining room…there are even parts of it here in my office.
Everything is everywhere.
Everything is MESSY.
Everything is covered in dust.
I’m going CRAZY.
I find myself walking in circles at least once a day because I don’t know where things are, what to do, or how I can help ease this situation. There have been moments where I’ve collapsed onto my couch (picture a puff of dust that shoots off of it as I collapse down onto it) and just sit there looking at the mess, FROZEN because of the chaos that surrounds me. I don’t know what it is about a messy living space that just makes me shiver from the inside out. I can remember as a teenager not being able to go to sleep at night because my room wasn’t tidy. While I’ve come a long way from that point and am no longer that extreme, my outer order still gives me such peace. My outer order creates inner peace for me! It’s just how I’m wired.
This whole experience, as with any other, has forced me to step back and wonder WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I know that there is a lesson in this experience and that lesson is to surrender to the mess. Embrace the chaos. Let my desire for things to be in their “right” place go. But…I don’t want to – HAHA!!! So much easier said than done, but I’m working on it. Really working on it and taking things day by day. I’ve also made sure to take out my gratitude journal often to jot down all of the blessings that surround me (amongst the mess!). This always helps to keep things in perspective.
Life is messy sometimes and all I can do is continue to practice my yoga off the mat, no matter how hard of a challenge that may be. Breathing through frustration and clutter, releasing the need for everything to be perfect and in place (so not practical!), and most importantly living in this very moment. And when I bring myself to this very moment I couldn’t be more happy with my life, health, friends/family and growing baby inside me.