9 days past my due date and counting…

Thought I was having a February baby, but no such luck. 41 weeks+ and everyday feels like Groundhog Day as I go through the same motions thinking that today will be the day. During this morning’s yoga/meditation I finally contemplated hard. I get it, the Gods are playing with me, my Guru is playing with me…all so that I can LEARN A LESSON (or two) in all of this, something that I clearly haven’t truly embraced or learned before.
I’m a planner and love things to be in order. More importantly I love to know what to expect, it puts me at ease. Nothing about pregnancy, birth or parenting aligns with this and I can’t handle it! It has sparked my anxiety that has been dormant for ALL of these years and has forced me to literally use EVERY tool that I have to overcome it. All bets are off with planning and expectations when kids are involved (or really anything for that matter). I clearly didn’t embrace this lesson after having Hanley so it may be time to accept it.
I cannot forget that there is another person in me, a little soul with her own personality, plans and expectations! This journey isn’t just mine, it’s ours. We need to work on our dance TOGETHER and find a way to bop to the beat of our own drums WITH one another.
I’m beyond full term in my second pregnancy – this is a beautiful blessing that I would never take for granted. I am fully supported by loving family, friends and clients who have been there for me and helpful in so many ways throughout this pregnancy. Fear has been a MAJOR player throughout this pregnancy which is pretty unusual for me. I finally have gotten to the point where when I have a fearful, negative thought I pause, remind myself that it’s (usually) NOT true, and then re-word it and say the opposite (which is the POSITIVE way to look at it!). I have had a deep gratitude practice for years but this is just another reminder of how incredibly powerful it is during times of struggle.
The most important thing I need to do right now is to RELAX THE EFFORT & TUNE INTO THE GRACE OF ALL OF THIS. So much easier said than done. But I’ve birthed a baby before, I’m about to do it again…so this should really be a piece of (GF/DF) cake!

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